Sunshine, I'm Just Bored And Just Checking Out

Cheesecake <3!

I miss the city I love but I've been having an affair With L.A and New York, Dundee And Doncaster
rocky!
sazza5989

So where to start, travelling was the most amazing time, it’s genuinely was the best thing I’ve ever done. Worst of it all, being back, Norwich just seems so small now, I want to go back to travelling, don’t get me wrong living out of a rucksack, not the most fun in the world, yet alone carrying it around but AARGH! I want to go back to travelling, I want to do Indonesia, Bali, China, India, South America, Australia and New Zealand. I say this world extends way beyond this little field of dreams we're dancing in, and I wanna see that world” in the words of Tony from Skins series 1. I’m going to do some research in to Bali for a month or so next year. Spending a month away was just the right amount of time, although was not long enough in America, it’s so big and amazing. I fell in love with New Orleans, everyone so amazing in the southern; really have to use the cliché southern hospitality is the best. I loved San Francisco too, everyone was so nice, and it’s just an amazing city, don’t even get me started oh how amazing New York was. I went thinking New York I was going to enjoy the least but no Miami gets that gong. New York was just EPIC America in general was just EPIC, well except Miami as I found it dull.

In anyone is reading this and wants to help me travel Bali, please help!!!!! Now I’m back I have that big fish in a little pond syndrome. ARRRGH! Can someone please just pay for me to travel around the world, like I don’t know ooh Help Exchange, must have a look at this.

Being back in England has been super dull. Works been dire and I just find it so pointless now, I guess it just because I don’t want to be here. 


Your Face, It Has No Place, No Room For You Inside My House...
rocky!
sazza5989

Why hello there,

I’ve been in a bit of a journey of self-explanation. I’ve come to no conclusion as of yet. I have been thinking a lot of my past relationships (yes doing that typical Virgo thing of analysing every little detail of my life) and alas I’ve come to a bit of a realisation that perhaps my one big regret in my life is letting Ash go, well I didn’t let him go, more like chucked him out of my life with no explanation. I suppose the only explanation for this is that I was somewhat scared of having feelings for him, he let me in to his life and I just literally shut my door in his face. I don’t really know how to come back to that and make him forgive me. It’s the one big regret I’ve had after all these years also. I don’t know what to do about the situation, last time I spoke to him he was really still annoyed at me, I don’t think I can ever change his mind.

I have issues regarding commitment I am more than aware of this, all you have to do is ask Paddy on how long it took me to be with him, but alas all those months of chasing paid off in the long run.

On a slightly different note, everyone keeps telling me how amazing America is going to be, I have no doubt of this, but I’m somewhat scared, there’s so much pressure for it to be amazing now. I’m not quite sure what scares me about America; perhaps I’m worried that I’ll totally fall in love with it and not come back. I am rather fed up with living in England, I shouldn’t be here, and culturally I don’t belong here.

A part of me hopes that America will be one of those life changing experiences, and I’ll never be the same again, the other just scares me (in a good way). I’m so looking forward to it; I get to spend my summer with my closest friends, travelling and being all adventurous. It’s going to be awesome; I’m just upset that I cannot take all of my wardrobe/makeup/toiletries. I like my comforts around me. 

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I wish that she had cared for me but in the end her ideologies occupied the fortress of her heart.
rocky!
sazza5989

HAPPY 2012 PEEPS!!! I’m so bad at these blog posts, I go through nerd stages, so been bumming on Tumblr purely for Supernatural/Drwho/Merlin and general hilarity really. For that livejournal I am truly madly and deeply sorry. (Go me with me song quotes-don’t think that will last long)

So I officially live with Stephy and Joe which is really awesome and I love our little cosy house, although they are being utter selfish bum-nuggets by having their birthdays so close together! *shaking me fist* hmm I would say what I have planned but alas steph will probably read this.

Oh Oh Oh!!!! European Union emailed me about applying for this year’s intake. So I can apply to start work in September which would be amazing! Brussels please! It’s not that I’m bored of England-well yes, but I just don’t think there is anything here for me, I grew up in Italy, lived in Sri Lanka and France for a bit just never been stuck in one place for soooo long. Alas I have been majorly hit by the travel bug I have been reading so much about in consideration to being a Virgo. I don’t care I would rather be well travelled, learn about the world and everything that is in it than sit in place regretting all those things I should of done, should of said, should of gone. I have decided that living with regrets is not a life worth living so might as well take every opportunity that presents itself and see where it takes you really.  I have had a passport since I was 3months old and I have always used it. Brussels would be an amazing place to live- could go to Bruges for weekends well its pretty much travel distance for many EU countries. (Anyway mini rant over) Travelling around Italy in a couple of weeks (11 weeks-time is relative, don’t judge me!) should be exciting and then 2 months after that going to AMERICA, which is going to be utterly immense-well considering I refrain from coming back a married lass. Saying that if I don’t come back at all please do not be sad as I’ll probably be selling myself for drugs in Miami or something. ARGH!!!! So exciting just want all of it to happen now.

What else is exciting in my life apart from oh yeah German Nazi Youth man; wish he would stop judging me for half hearted attempts of jokes just to stop the awkwardness. But I’m sure it’ll be fine, just another 16 sessions to go and then I’ll be good-probably.

I’m missing Dashi so much, I want to see her face and Charlottes and Kays. I should do a uni tour before I head off to the Americas. Well Dashis not really a uni tour I just really really need her in my life.

Aw had an awesome day at work today where James and Sam spent most of the afternoon trying to spell out my full name-they majorly cheated as they used Google. I miss having Sam in the office-he makes me smile.

Final note before I head out to meet les garcon is finally laid down the track I’ve been working on for yonks. Had to download some software and borrow an acoustic, did the bass and well not going to lie it sounds pretty good- eeek not looking forward to the vocals might get someone else to do it. :D Obviously I’ll have a go.


Wanna Be Drunk When I Wake Up On The Right Side Of The Wrong Bed!
rocky!
sazza5989
*sigh* Since I haven’t updated in so long, I haven’t a clue where to start. Hmmmmmmmmm of well I suppose I better start with work as that’s where I am at the moment procrastinating. Still working for the solar panel company, but I am no longer a telesales agent, I am the admin and HR department. It’s really fun to finally do a job I want to do to get ahead in my future but at the end of the day, I don’t think my boss realises how overworked and stressed I am as I’m doing a 2 person job on my own for well an average pay packet. Working here is absolutely amazing though, I love everyone, if I didn’t like the people I worked with I would have quite months ago.
Friends—haha, well I’m seeing a lot of steph at the moment which is great, she’s working so hard right now with her 2 jobs and college, but then again I did it too. Her and I have the most fun when we go out drinking and dancing. Shes so lovely, spent a lovely morning with Tony last week for his birthday which was cool, watching him trying to flirt with the American beauty was hilarious and well he should be ashamed of himself for the unsubtlety of it all. Apart from roper coming over a couple of weeks ago, haven’t actually seen my real friends, I say ‘real’ because I’m spending a lot of time with my work friends as most of my ‘real’ friends are away at uni or busy with their actual lives which I should get by the way.
My life itself is a bit boring, work, home, work, home, you know the rest. Dating paul is fun as it gives me something to do on our Friday night date nights. Just having to rush home, get showered and changed is a bit annoying. But he’s truly a really nice guy but alas its not going anywhere because I don’t think I’m ready to let go yet in all honesty. I don’t think I’m ready to share my life with someone else like before. That’s fine with me, but it’s not fair on him for me to constantly be holding back and have barriers up. Even with him in my life I still get a sense of loneliness which is hard to shake. Slightly depressing that I just admitted to that, but oh well.
I’m hoping the new year has better opportunities to offer for myself and everyone else as I guess we all need a break in life, where everything is just going just right to give us some hope that the universe doesn’t always hate us!
 
Saz! xxx

To Die Is To Know You're Alive-well Yes well done willa walo!
Willa Walo!
sazza5989

Hello! So I did warn that perhaps when I had returned back to Norwich I would hardly ever update. So here I am updating! Hmm started my new job yesterday, and its ok it’s a little dull and frankly rather unorganised. But hey, its money, I’m earning and I’ll have muller to go out dancing. God I really want to go out tonight even if it’s for one drink of a million drinks. Alex and I had an argument (Alex my housemate) he was just being a bit silly and was well... (Not to sound like a child) mean to me.

Being back in Norwich is really nice, I really love the way I’ve decorated my room just the painting left to do, I just have to find the right pain colour and paint it without getting it anywhere around my room or even on my shiny wardrobes and bed sheets. I proper PROPER miss Kay!! Its sounds horrifically sad because I haven’t seen her in nearly 2 weeks, but I think since January this is probably the longest I’ve gone without seeing her.

I really want to get this job in Brussels, it would be friggin amazing if I could and I could just get away from England even for 3-6 months. Live in an amazing city, working for the European Union, being all European. EXCITING STUFF!

Love life? Sorry what now? Yeah nothing is happening in that scene which is good really because I don’t know I guess I just have to sort myself out and my own life out and be happy with myself before I learn to be happy with someone else. Quite frankly I’m too selfish too share. And I think Craig and I are over but I received a lovely couple of messages off him on Sunday night which was really kind of him really. J But yeah....I had an odd dream about a date I was meant to be going on and my god I really need to have my brain examined because it’s was truly honestly strange.


Careless in our summer clothes splashing around in the muck and the mire
rocky!
sazza5989

 

I have no idea what is wrong with me, I keep sleeping on the couch and haven’t slept in my bed since last Thursday night. My back hurts and I’m just very much looking forward to this coming Thursday when I finish my exams, go out with the girls, get totally drunk and not feel guilty.

 

Getting my essay grades back has put a downer on my life. I feel like I’ll never get my back up grade of a 2.2 because I only got a low 2.2 in my French oral exam and I’m rubbish at the French written exam which by the way was really difficult today. I would be lucky to pass this module. Why have they made it so difficult? On top of this Lord Norton only gave me a low 2.2 for my essay which sadly I got really emotional over yesterday morning and came home had a wee cry. This has messed my grades up big time and I personally think he is a harsh marker and I am trying ever so hard to get a strong 2.2 maybe if I’m really good even a 2.1 overall. (PLEASE LORD NORTON HELP ME OUT!!!!!!!)

 

Job wise nothing is working, I genuinely apply to at least a hundred jobs a week and I barely hear anything back. I would ideally like an office job in Norwich to begin with, so I can settle back in get the experience I need when I can finally apply for government positions. I don’t really care what job I get in Norwich, well I do, I want an office job, I just really don’t want to be working 18 hours a day anymore for basic wage, being in pain and too tired to go out and see friends or not having the time to see my friends. It sounds really selfish I know, I should be lucky to get a job in the first place, any job, but I’ve missed everyone so much and getting little snippets of their lives as lucky as I am to get that it’s just isn’t quite good enough for me.

Love life? Lalalalalala! Thats me laughing at the prospect. Erm well I’m still seeing Craig, he’s a nice guy and Kay and I are very much enjoying mocking him in every sense of the word. I am going to see how that goes really because I’m not sure we can cope with doing a long distance thing as and when I leave Hull. Honestly, I don’t think I can manage a long distance relationship yet along a relationship right now. I always say I would like to be single double the time I have been in a relationship, however I would not like to be single for 6years theres something awfully lonely about that prospect and quite frankly I have plans for the time I’m 28. Perhaps I’ll even be lucky enough to be married....fingers crossed!


I Think I'm On Another World With You!
David
sazza5989

I realise I’m a massive gay for not writing in this, you know how it is with exams, dissertation, essays-Its’ a ball!

What has been going on? I don’t quite frankly know sir.

Hmm, I shall start at my lovely trip back to Norwich for the weekend, so I was bored of being in Hull by myself as Kay left me....Silly Kay! So I went home drank SOOO MUCH RUM!! (I’m really happy and hyper for some reason) Met up with Tony had a wee play on his 3DS which I must admit is a lot cooler than I wanted to know and appreciate. I was hoping if I hated it enough I wouldn’t want one! Damn you Tony! Hmm got little Alex drunk was really amusing, for me not him...well actually it wasn’t that amusing for me either having to clean up sick. Literally put me off from having kids for the rest of my life.

Drove around Norwich lots which was nice and the weather was just so beautifully just an amazing time, really appreciate everyone that took time away from their lives to give me such a lovely time.

So back at Uni my oral exam went really well I should really email Janine to ask her what my grade was. I have done some maths and shit and figured out I’m on a good course to get a high 2-2 which is great and all but I shall still be aiming for a 2-1 and if I get that I will be one happy girl. Since I have been back Craig has been around a lot. It has been really nice to spend last week with him, despite not getting much work done but it’s ok I have had this week and next week to do all my work so that doesn’t bother me. He is such a nice guy and I guess I worry a little bit that I might end up hurting him and that is really not something I want. I am so looking forward to moving back to Norwich and seeing everyone all the time and well I just miss opening my mouth and people not realising the way I talk because I have a “southern accent”. I’m hoping my bedroom wall would be this colour....I shall have to print this page off and take it to B&Q, yeah I shall do this! Also my wardrobe arrived yesterday it’s really big and heavy so it’s just sitting in my living room as I am too weak to move it but I hope it fits in my bedroom if not....I shall have to just sleep on the floor. Ok well I’m hoping to update again soon I promise if not you can catch my random rants on Tumblr!


Camping!
rocky!
sazza5989

I realise I haven’t updated in awhile and for that I am sorry, i will have to blame Kay for that as since Uni has been temporarily dispersed for Easter her and i have been seeing each other every day. It’s really nice to hang out with someone i enjoy hanging out with and especially every day,  i didn’t realise i had the patience for it. I think we should get married although she really does have to work hard on growing her penis first. I would love a Boyfriend like kay, She’s all Aryan racey like i love, she’s funny, and she can cook. Despite the fact that we both love men whos name start with Rufus. Awww what a dream!

Ok so this weekend was EPIC!!! Went camping in Macclesfield Forest with 9 others, Haggy drove me to Ponte to what sounded like a gay bar so was confused why we were there at 9 in the morning. Staring at a green penis and listening to Bon Jovi, too much confusion when youre still sleepy. Then drove to Manchester with Dave and Haggy following charlottes care and Newts car it were proper ace! Took bloody ages to get to the forest but the views on the drive there were amazing. English countryside to the max! Setting up camp wasn’t as fun as we had to climb a massive steep hill well i’m really unhealthy to be doing that shit right there! Really appreciated all the trouble Charlotte had gone to organise this, it was really amazing and well despite the shit night of sleep it was just soo peaceful and perfect and i got really sad as once i leave  hull we can’t really be doing these random excursions like that, especially since i live so far away from everyone and don’t drive. I will defo learn to drive so i can do these excursions more!!

Hmm what else.... essays are pretty nonexistent. They will happen! Definitely will happen!!! Maybe.

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Rant!!!!!
rocky!
sazza5989

I was wondering today what my life would be like if I was one of those lucky souls that got everything they wanted. My life would be pretty damn amazing. But I guess I’ll get there one day and no doubt it will be the long way.

So 1 week left of uni, I have booked tickets to come visit my old hometown. I’m very much looking forward to being home, if somewhat a short visit. It will be totally worth it.

I don’t know whether it’s my Virgo instincts or whether its general life, but why do I want something I know I can’t even have? I think about it all the time and I just wish I could be brave and put myself out and just go for it but alas I’m too much of a coward. I would rather mother it and nurture it and wait for it to come to me when it’s good and ready. ARGH!!! That will take too long, I’m not patient enough, although if I was..... (I don’t know where this random post is going) ....maybe it will be more worthwhile? Who knows. It won’t happen anyway so I just need to shut up.

Jenny kindly pointed out that I’m suffering from Mentionitis, it’s a bad disease and I wish I didn’t suffer from it but I guess I’m just at the “hooked” stage where I really really want to be positive and upbeat about it but my damn virgoness has to bring me back down to earth and be all grr and negative!  WHY WHILL YOU NOT JUST LET ME HAVE MY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS FOR ONCE!!!! This is all I ask for.

That is all.


Two Jumps In A Week I Bet You Think Thats Pretty Clever Don't You Boy?
rocky!
sazza5989

ARGH!!!  My dissertation is nearly done, its due in 2 weeks. After avoiding James for 8 weeks (my dissertation supervisor) finally met up with him yesterday, ran by my plan for the dissertation including the inconclusive last chapter. That only came to me the other night on the phone to the lovely Jenn.

Hmm social life, it’s pretty amazing to be honest. Spent Friday night till Saturday night, mainly with Jenny, Liam and Phil was really fun although I don’t cope well without sleep. Had a really good time, been talking to an old friend of mine which has been amazing and frankly would be amazing to keep talking to them. It’s all a bit complicated though and well I guess I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t all complicated. Been hanging out with Craig, that’s nice, I suppose. I’m worried that he’s being really full on like WOAH!!!!!!!! So trying to get him to shut the fuck up basically and calm the fuck down. I hope he got the message and even if he didn’t I’m sure I can manage to tell him to fuck off!

Got my graduation pack yesterday, so I have two tickets for the main graduation and I can invite anyone for the department celebrations where I’m not going to win any awards as I’m frankly shit! I want my dad there but I will have to repress so much of my habits to please them like I won’t be able to smoke or drink and I know I  sound utterly selfish but It’s my frigging graduation! Jenn said she’s coming which will be great! I really cannot wait till this whole uni experience is over as the closer to going home I’m getting them more home sick I get also. I miss Norwich more than I miss chocolate and cuddles right now! 


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